R.M. Fradkin
Winter 2023 | Prose
What is on the Rosauers Sign
Laura Chenel goat cheese 8-oz orig. $6.99 each
TopCare ibuprofen 50-count $2.79 each
USDA choice angus beef top sirloin steak $4.99 lb.
Organic mangos $1.69 each
Antique hydrangeas 2-stems $4.99 each
Bakery fresh chocolate cream pie $5.99 each
Rosauers take-and-bake 1-topping pizza $7.99 each
Drano Max Gel Clog Remover, 32-oz $4.59 each
Hershey’s king size candy bars 4 for $5
Lotus Foods heat & eat rice $1.69 each
Prairie fresh bone-in pork shoulder roast $1.69 lb.
Fresh green beans $1.49 lb.
Windex Glass Cleaner, 23-oz $3.79 each
Sugar Kiss bouquet $5.99 each
Feasts that could be made with what is on the Rosauers sign: Rice and steak. Port roast with mango chutney. Smores if Jeremy hasn’t eaten all the marshmallows in the cupboard. A charcuterie board with goat cheese and pepperoni, if pepperoni is the topping on the Rosauers take-and-bake 1-topping pizza. Pizza with green beans on top, if green beans was not already the topping on the Rosauers take-and-bake 1-topping pizza. Pizza with extra green beans if it was. Jeremy will like the pie crust but not the chocolate cream. He’s hard to please, for a sweatshirt stuffed with pillows. Winnie, the baseball cap dangling from the chair at the head of the table, would go for some goat cheese-mango puffs to start, then pork shoulder roast fried in pie cream. Her tastes are more elaborate than Jeremy’s, but she’s equally hard to please.
Jeremy never helps with the dishes. He just sits around waiting for meals to plop in front of him. So Jeremy will get a Windex chocolate stew served alongside a green bean casserole laced with the bottle of ibuprofen to kill him off when he’s been too uppity. Winnie will sulk, so I’ll give her cockroach fried rice with peanut sauce extracted from the Hershey Mr. Goodbars. But nothing will appease her. Finally, she will get hydrangea and Draino croquettes.
Then it will be back to eating alone, a hunk of raw sirloin tenderized to a pulp.
The Sugar Kiss bouquet makes a beautiful centerpiece for any of the above meals.
R.M. Fradkin has had short fiction published in Cherry Tree, Cleaver Magazine, and SAND Journal, among others. One of her stories was nominated for a Pushcart Prize. She just finished her MFA at Oregon State University and is at work on a novel set in an experimental forest.