Junisha Khongwir

I am intertwined with the inevitable parts of the human experience.

Death and Life.

As are we all.

First, Death: I understood loss because I loved. We journeyed together to find life.

The love I knew in you had so much light and warmth that when you were gone, I thought it left with you. I came undone.

I was ambushed by grief and thrown into the black tides of loss and bitterness.

A strange feeling was hovering over me, a sense of impermanence was in the air.

Not until, one spring night, while I lay on my pillow, with a heavy heart and tears streaming  down my face, the light returned and it embraced me. It warmed my palms and comforted my heart.

I Nibbled on u ‘khaw na iing’ that you lovingly packed in an old handkerchief.

I heard you say these words to me, “lah biang khun, lah biang katti” 

My heart rested because your spirit was present, watchful and complete.

I moved on in search of Life: Seeking life through Love.

They said it will happen. I waited. I lost patience. I crumbled.

For days my body was in turmoil.

My knees weak, my heart barely beating and my mind was racing towards oblivion.

Everything was heavy and tense. I asked myself  “Nga dang lah seh ban shah?”

One, two , three… fifty-nine, sixty, I counted the strands falling off every time I ran a comb through my hair.

They fell everywhere, in the sink, the study table, the mats, the plates. Strands discarded unwillingly, everywhere.

 Shniuh!  shniuh!, once strong, thick and resilient.

Now barely hanging on to my scalp.

The longing to bear a life was crippling my vision and my existence.

It was unsettling and unkind to me.

I thought of Likai, and the bitterness she felt, how could she not? I have not met mine and yet, I understood the loss.

Is this what life asks of you?

Perhaps I leaned in too close and hoped for too much.

Pill after pill, yet I bleed again in trickles and gushes.

I bleed again and again.

But in spite of all this, I believe my body and mind will always be mine, and will work with me.

I befriended water, she calms me down, she washes my pain away and she accompanies lonely strands of my fallen hair

This time I heard myself saying, "It's ok, lah biang katti, ka lah biang.

Shniuh: hair ,

 Lah biang khun, lah biang katti: Enough my child.

Nga dang lah seh ban shah?:  Can I still bear it?

khaw na iing : a cultural practice of the Khasis to wrap grains of rice in a piece of cloth to bring comfort to a loved one who lives far away or who is on a journey elsewhere.

Likai: In Khasi mythology, Likai is a prominent figure and a legendary character. Likai is primarily known for the story associated with her tragic fate, which has become a popular folk tale in the Khasi community. It serves as a cautionary tale about loss and the destructive consequences of jealousy, mistrust, and uncontrolled emotions.

Lah biang katti: It’s enough.